Family of eleven has fostered in three different communities over the past 14 years

Courtney and Bobby Williams became foster parents 14 years ago when they lived in North Dakota. Throughout the years, and after two moves, they have been foster parents, adopting six children and youth. The WIlliams have cared for over 70 kids since they started fostering. They also have three biological children, which makes them a family of eleven.  Their four oldest children now live on their own, and Courtney and Bobby now live in La Plata County and foster as a therapeutic foster home, supporting foster teens who need a higher level of specialized care. 

“My husband also grew up in an emotionally and physically abusive home and so he’s able to relate to them in a different way than I can. He doesn’t bring that out right from the beginning. He waits ‘til there’s a time when it’s needed, when a kid’s just having a really bad day. That definitely helps a lot for kids to see what they can get out of this. We tell them your past does not have to determine your future,” said Courtney of one of the ways they build rapport with the youth in their home.

Courtney says open and honest communication, as well as striking a balance between rules and structure while still having fun, helps create strong connections with teenagers. Courtney and Bobby have a lot of structure in their home, but feel it is important to offer flexibility within that structure. A strong proponent of Trust Based Relational Intervention (TBRI), Courney says teens need to not feel like they are alone while also being given the opportunity to have alone time. 

“There’s a balance. If a kid is really upset and needs their own time and space, we let them be for a little while. And then once we hear they calm down, I’ll just go and say, ‘Hey, can I come in?’ And if they say no, I don’t come in, but I always tell them, I’m outside, or I’m sitting on the couch whenever you’re ready. And most of the time, that’s what these teenagers really need is just a little bit of time to cool off. I think they really need a connection with somebody that’s going to stick by their side no matter what,” said Courtney.

Having fostered for so many years, Courtney and Bobby see that fostering has had a profound effect on their biological and adopted children as well. Courtney says it has taught them compassion and empathy well beyond their years and has shaped them into the people they are today. Courtney and Bobby have also taught their children TBRI tools to help them understand there is a reason behind the behaviors they see, so they don’t take things personally. 

“Our kids are so vital in the connection with the kids (in foster care). When a new kid comes to our door, we try not to overwhelm them, but the kids are the ones that almost all of them will connect with first. They can show other teenagers what living in a stable home looks like and they can kind of be that guide for them with somebody their age, showing them the way. They have truly helped us tremendously in this journey of fostering, and I don’t think we would keep doing it if it wasn’t for them,” said Courtney. 

Courtney and Bobby prioritize family time by sharing dinner together most weeknights and spendin their weekends outdoors – camping, hiking, mountain biking, skiing or snowboarding. With such a big family, Courtney and Bobby also put forth effort to make sure all the kids also get one one-on-one time with each of them. They will stay up late to talk with them in the evenings or write back and forth with them in journals.  

“I homeschool our children, so I get that one-on-one time with a lot of them. When I go grocery shopping, I’ll kind of think through a little rolodex in my brain of who has not had one-on-one time with mom lately, and I’ll take that kid with me and we might stop and get a smoothie or a coffee. My husband’s really good about that as well. I also have journals that I keep between my kids so they have the option of writing in a journal back and forth with me. It’s just kind of a way of sometimes kids don’t want to talk about things, but they’ll write about it, so they can leave it on my pillow and I’ll write back to them,” said Courtney.

Having only lived in La Plata County for a few years, Courtney and Bobby found the community very welcoming and supportive. In addition to having a lot of support from their church community, they also connected with their fellow foster families. They also have an adult son who is 21 and lives close by who is able to provide last-minute help and respite care.

 “La Plata County staff is amazing and very supportive. It probably goes with being in a smaller county where they have fewer foster homes, so they can give us more of that one-on-one support. When we have a therapeutic placement, our resource worker checks in many times a week. The fostering community here is very tight-knit. It’s a smaller community, so there’s only a handful of us and we all know each other,” said Courtney.

Courtney said seeing kids return home and repairing their relationships with family members is one of the most rewarding parts of being a foster parent. Courtney and Bobby remain in touch with many of the young people who have been in their home, some of whom are now young parents themselves. Over the past 14 years, Courtney says her view of birth parents has changed and she especially appreciates being able to connect with biological families through ice breaker meetings.

“I try to let them know from the very beginning, ‘You are the expert on your child. What can you tell me?’ It breaks that ice and I can sit down and tell the parents, ‘I’m not against you. I am for you. I want to support you with anything you need. I always want to be able to ask them what will help them through this. Is it having phone calls?  Is it getting pictures once a week? Whatever will help fuel them to keep on going and work on what they need to focus on, I want to support. I want to see families rise up and I often just put myself in their shoes thinking what would happen if one of my kids was removed? What would I need from people? And then try to do that for them,” said Courtney.